I dont know if im going to hell i think i blashemy my pastor talked to me but ineed help with my thoughts?

lately i have had this felling that i dont care about anything anymore i i dont give a crap about like did the holy spirt leave me some times i i try to say some thing good about the spirt but it comes out bad my pastor said that i dont have light in me i am not using it as a bech mark to say what i want to say but i need help i do want to care and change my life arount but its like i cant cause i dont care but i do thats the thing i have problems in my thoughts i make my thoughst slip abut the holy spirt that i dont mean from the heart its like i enetrtaine this bad thoughts when i should not is the reason i feel like i dont care about like is bacause the spirt has left me is it to late to change my life areound right know i hate my sel for not caring about what i say i need help my pastor said it could be mental and spirtual what to do i dont prayany more i keep thees nasty thoughts in my head about the hloy spire i sad with my life and i try to supside my problems with worldy thing to comfort me but in the end i fell crapy can i still get the light back in me please help